


E is for Eurus

by Iwantthatcoat



Series: Air Eurus...The Wee Rocky Outpost In The Middle of Nowhere Airline! [1]
Category: Cabin Pressure, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Cabinlock, Crack, Gen, Humour, Sherlock/Cabin Pressure crossover, except maybe Arthur hurts Eurus's brain, no one is injured in this ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 19:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9508859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantthatcoat/pseuds/Iwantthatcoat
Summary: Eurus Holmes wants to test out her Holmes House O' Death, and captures GERTI's crew.(No one gets injured. Except Eurus's head probably hurts from trying to understand Arthur)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this is Part One of the series  
> Here is the original Tumblr post. There are so many amazing headcanons on there as well as in comments.  
> https://notagarroter.tumblr.com/post/156465948260/if-eurus-had-trapped-the-cabin-pressure-crew-in

Douglas wakes. His head is throbbing and his vision is just starting to clear. He flutters his eyes open and surveys what appears to be a glass-walled prison and an adjoining guard's room (as best he can tell from his limited vantage point on the floor) before closing them again. He is careful not to move a muscle; it would be in his best interest to remain seemingly unconscious until he can glean more information about where he is and what is about to happen. 

Unfortunately, his plan is foiled as a cheery voice announces, "Oh, good! Douglas is awake! He will know what to do. Where are we Douglas? Douglas?"

 

Martin glares at Arthur, but he is also quite glad Douglas is awake. Everyone is at least conscious. And they are together. That’s something.

"That is the last time I take a booking from a passenger wanting to leave from an uncharted island in the North Atlantic for a tropical vacation. Clearly, idiot boy, we are in a cell. A very fancy one at that." Carolyn rubs the back of her neck. "I feel like a supervillian."

Douglas straightens himself up and leans against a wall. "A glass one. All the better to see you with. We are being watched carefully." He gestures toward the viewing screen in the cell and a camera in the corner.

"Mum, there's a telly!" 

"Somehow I don't think it's for watching 'Shaun the Sheep', Arthur.”

"That's okay! I'm sure whatever it is, it will be interesting!"

The screen comes to life, and a man’s face appears, a fiery orange and red backdrop behind him. "We're gonna have some fun!" he gushes. And then it goes dark again.

"Oooh! The man on the telly! I know him! Now what was that show...."

A dark-haired woman in white walks into the adjoining room and sits down in a black leather chair. "There will be some random elements to set a tone of uncertainty. I want to observe. I want to learn what friends do when they are in danger. Danger from an outside source. Perhaps even danger from each other. What are friends? Friends are like a tree-- not to be measured by how tall they have grown, but by the depth of their roots. Or is it...friends are like a tree-- they fall down when you hit them with an axe? I don't know. I don't have any."

A girl's voice cries out, "Help me! I'm on a plane and I don't know what to do!"

"A plane? Where?" demands Carolyn.

"Could she just... look out the window to see where she is?"

"Yes, Arthur. And she will see a big brown patch of land with a country's name written upon in bold print. And if she looks _behind_ her, she will see an arrow and a little line made up of dashes, showing from whence she has come. If she is lucky, she might just see an island with an X on it... _that's_ where the _treasure_ is--"

"Douglas, stop leading him on like a toddler chasing after a big, red balloon and help us."

"I looked. I just see water," says the girl.

"Well, I suppose we _could_ have her see if anyone else is awake on the plane," he drawls.

"Everyone is asleep!" the girl replies.

"Everyone....except for you. Interesting."

"How many passengers are on the plane?" Martin jumps in before anyone else can say anything.

"I don't know."

"A lot? Or a little?" Douglas attempts to soothe her.

"Like a hundred passengers?" Arthur chimes in. Douglas can tell he's picturing them arranged like otters.

"I guess so. There's Mum, and… mummy why won't you wake up?"

"Oh, I know! Okay I've got this." Martin slows his voice down to issue the command. "Go... to the flight deck." He thinks for a moment and continues at a much faster pace. "Of course normally, you wouldn't be allowed on the flight deck, due to FAA regulations prohibiting unauthorized personnel, but this is a special set of circumstances, so..." His voice suddenly switches back to a sweeter tone, as if he has just remembered he is talking to a child, "I'm sure they wouldn't mind."

"I'm where they fly the plane now."

"Good. Good. Now go to the radio."

"I don't see any radio."

"Of course there is a radio! There hasn't been a NORDO aircraft since the 1930s… unless it is a custom-built plane, I suppose. If the radio is out, you have to set the transponder code to seven-six: hear nix. Are you in VFR or IFR-- I'm sorry you wouldn't know that abbreviation, would you?-- are you under visual flight rules or instrument flight rules?"

There is a click.

"I'm sorry, but you will have to earn your time," says the woman.

Douglas turns to Martin, who quietly says, "Douglas. A plane that size with no radio is..."

"-- like so many other things about this particular flight-- impossible. There is a radio. She just doesn't want to find it."

"Why would she not… ohhhh."

Arthur chimes in, "Ohhhh,” and nods. It is clear he has no idea what Douglas and Martin are talking about. “Mum, I think..."

"Code Red, Arthur."

"Really, Mum, we could just let them tell us, couldn't we?

"Them? Who is them?" Carolyn replies.

"The tower. The tower of air traffic control. I mean, I don't think they would be following a flight plan if no one is flying the plane, right? And they get all cross when you don't follow the flight plan. Even Carl. And if they are heading toward the city and going to crash, the air traffic control would say something like--” Arthur puts on his official 'airport' voice, "’This is Helsinki airport. Do not crash into us. That is not on your flight plan. Thank you.’ Though I don't know what good it would do anyway, even if we knew where the plane was. Oooh! Maybe we could have a crew parachute onto the roof and go in through the window on the side?

The screen flashes on again, and the familiar face returns. "Tick-tock-tick-tock." 

"The man is back! Ummmm… story _something_. Story book, story time, story board, story box, story quest..."

The woman in white pivots her chair toward Douglas as Arthur continues to rattle off possibilities, and speaks to him.

"Save the girl. Win your freedom. Freedom. Such an interesting idea, isn't it? Nietzsche called freedom a boorish simplicity, a long folly, owing to our extravagant pride. We are all slaves to our desires. And of course to other people. Like our employers..."

"Freedom is slavery, war is peace, ignorance is strength-- yes, yes I get it. You spew a bunch of catchy aphorisms at me of varying levels of depth and now I'm supposed to turn on Carolyn, right? That's your motive for this-- a little glass Thunderdome, is it?"

She turns away from Douglas and sets her sights on Arthur. "She called you idiot boy."

"Yes. She does that sometimes. Or clot. Or dolt. Or witless. Or--"

"I'm sure that's upsetting."

"Oh, no. Because it's true. You can't be bothered by something if it's true."

The woman pauses, as if a great truth was being revealed to her. She waits a moment before beginning again. "But I'm sure you aren't. I'm sure you, 'saved the day' many times."

"It wasn't me, it was the snowman."

The woman looks puzzled. It isn’t what she expected to hear.

"It saved the day, and then it ruined the day, and then it saved the night. But that wasn't me. Although, it was my idea to build a snowman. So maybe it was me after all." He shrugs. "But it was mostly the snowman."

 

"Think back. You see to the heart of things without clouding your mind. You see the simple solutions when others--" She glances at Douglas. "--are looking for only the complex."

"Wow! That makes me sound really smart. Like those people who figured out how to clap with one hand. " Arthur demonstrates by slapping his fingers against the heel of his hand. "Brilliant!"

"They will miss the simple truths. And when they make errors, you are the one they will blame."

"Like when Douglas said I didn't give him the van keys when I _had_ given him the van keys. Well, it was all fine in the end. And that's what matters. He was wrong that time, but most of the time, I am a clot. So it made sense."

"You seem so cheerful. There must be some darkness you are struggling against."

"The secret is apples," he whispers conspiratorially.

She is quiet for several minutes. Arthur is concerned.

"Oh, don't feel bad. I did kill a man once. Sort of. I mean he died, that part he did himself, but I was the one who covered him in foam."

Carolyn commandeers the conversation. "Look, Miss..." 

"Holmes," she says.

"Miss Holmes. Clearly, you have enemies, I don't doubt that for a second, but I see no reason we should be one of them. We aren't about to do whatever horror movie reenactment you had in mind, or save a nonexistent girl on a nonexistent plane-- and if I place Martin's hat over that camera and disable anything else we find, we shall all be terribly bored. I'm sure we will outlast you on that count, however, having had the benefit of having flown over Russia. But we _can_ offer you this. Your payment has gone through, and we are, in fact, an air charter firm. You certainly can't have enjoyed being cooped up on this island forever, and, frankly, we don’t fancy it either. Isn't there somewhere you want to go that we can fly you to?”

Douglas chimes in, "I hear Tenerife is lovely this time of year."

Eurus Holmes smiles. "Yes. Central London."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the runthrough iamjohnlocked4life!  
> Thank you notagarroter for starting the ball rolling.


End file.
